What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Photo of a bird in the sky, by Susie.

I have been reminded that not everyone understands that violence is more than a physical thing, more than a swear word. This post serves as a resource not just for women but primarily for men to understand their behaviours.

Below is information on types of intimate partner violence, and a list of suggestions that you might want to take should you find yourself experiencing this form of harm.

Above all, know that it is not acceptable, is not your fault, and is not your responsibility.

We are all born with innate indivisible unconquerable power, and nobody and nothing can take that away from you. Everyone has their shit that they’re dealing with through their karma, their parents, their core beliefs, the media they surround themselves with, all this maya that covers us. What you can do, is make sure you do not allow their violence (physical, mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual) into your psychic space, and that you ensure you take care of your mind, body, and soul.

Types of Domestic Violence and Abuse

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviours that intimidate, manipulate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, shame, injure, or wound someone; can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another or others.

Abuse includes harassment, continuing to communicate despite requests not to, toxic jealousy, stalking, “always” and “never” statements, gaslighting, belittling, invalidating, intimidation, objectification, cruelty to animals, false accusations like being accused of cheating, shaming, blaming, name-calling like “liar”, harassment of your friends / colleagues / ex’s, as well as spiritual abuse like using religion or spirituality as a form of control or manipulation.

As a reminder, violence is not limited to physical violence. Violence is defined to include to psychological harm, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse, stalking and aggression, among many other actions and behaviours. Defining outcomes solely in terms of physical violence thus limits the understanding of its full impact on individuals, communities and society at large.

Methods of Recovery from Trauma and Abuse

What can you do if you believe you are being mistreated by someone (including harassment, manipulation, shame, blame, guilt, mirroring, projection, yelling, disrespecting boundaries, harassing your loved ones and friends)?

  • Set boundaries: “I am not comfortable with how you are talking to me, please stop.” If they continue to harass you by email / phone / etc., let them know that you are no longer talking to them, and use the block functions in your email account, Instagram, etc. to stop responding.
  • Recognize that their energy, accusations, etc, are all projections, and that you as a being were truly invisible to them. You were unseen. Recognize that their projections and their experience is theirs, it is not your responsibility to manage.
  • If they start to communicate with your friends, exes, loved ones, open the dialogue with these members of your circle to let them know your experience and to ask that they do not communicate back with the person. The fact that they felt the need to communicate with people in your circle is another demonstration of a control tactic of a possessor (a form of domestic violence).
  • Release this person from your spiritual-emotional-psyche space through breathwork, meditation, mantra, and however else feels natural for you. It was beautiful that you invited them into your personal space, but their violations mean it is time for them to go.
  • Their actions are their responsibility, and they will receive whatever consequences the universe choose for their harm. They created their karma through their choices, and it is not for you to deal with.
  • By having strict boundaries that do not let them into your personal space, you are giving yourself the healthy care and love that you deserve, and you allow them to deal with whatever consequences they will receive of their karma.
  • Offer yourself strict self-care: regular meals, regular sleep patterns. Read materials that help your mind to rationally understand that this is not your fault and that you have your own path to deal with, which does not include them.
  • You are bliss, be with your bliss, not their toxic hate and control.

Om, Shanti, Peace, Amen.

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